Welcome back for another Rare Impression folks. You’ve heard the gospel, now hear the science. You’ve heard the truth before; hopefully you came back for some more. Hopefully what I am typing is enough for you to read and if you don’t feel like reading, you can scroll down and watch some videos. This isn’t for the weak hearted. We live in times where unity is more important than ever. There is an economic recession forcing people and families to come together to help one another after a job loss or even finding a job. Unity works. Going to an HBCU is supposed to bring unity and I’m pretty sure anyone who goes to one can tell you that at most colleges’ unity is stressed. But what happens when you leave your campus and go out into the world? Just because people around you aren’t unified, doesn’t mean you have to stop trying, right?
Unity plays a major role in society and if you look at any great nation, people, or group, they all overcame difficulties and accomplished great things with unity. There are many forms of unity which I can discuss like what it takes for a team to be successful, businesses that go boom or bust but the unity I’m going to be talking about here is marriage.
Yeah i know lol, i said, “Marriage”. Don’t get excited, calm down.
I was having a conversation with my friend about women and it shocked me to say the least. He said, “I’m a find me a nice fine woman, we’re goin to be in love and she’s to have my children and we’re going to live happily ever after.” I replied, “I like how you left out the marriage part lol” and he replied saying “Come on now, that’s white people stuff, you know real black people don’t get married.”
Marriage is white people’s stuff?
And it hit me. Is this how we really think? Is this how we were raised? So I did some research and asked my other friends. Most of my friends come from single parent homes and when asked questions about marriage, they said similar words about not getting married. Some of them do want to get married and others don’t take it seriously. Why is that though? Life is about visuals and as the conversation went on, it became clear that most people in black communities haven’t seen a good positive marriage where the people who were happily married, looked like them. Growing up, we listened to things that didn’t promote marriage too much in the black community so it all lead to the same question, “Why get married?”
After all the deliberation, I’ve done some research. The places where marriage is low, so is the money. The poorest places have few if any married people and the cities with the most crime do so as well. These communities also have poor schools, poor shopping outlets, lots of liquor stores and carryouts. Look at communities where there are married people and you see something different. More money, better houses, better schools, lower crime and in general better life.
In slavery times, nearly ALL of black people were born out of wedlock. “But Khalifah that was hundreds of years ago!” And if you said that, you would be right. However, today’s statistics show us that 70% of black people are born out of wedlock. It may seem like it was thousands of years ago but if we are free then why are we acting like we’re still enslaved? But I guess no one sees a problem in that…
If you go to the prison systems, you will see a lot of people that are colored mostly Black and Latino. Black people don’t even make up that much of America but yet we make up most of the prisons. And in some cities, 80% of the people in prison come from single parent homes.
How is it that a small amount of people can have the highest divorce rate, the lowest marriage rate and the highest out of wedlock birth rate? No one sees a problem with this?
Back in the day when things we’re segregated, Black people had to stay to themselves. They needed each other and had no choice but to support each other. If it weren’t for the unification of the Black Man and Woman, we never would’ve made it where we are today. Strong marriages got us through reconstruction, Jim Crow, the Klu Klux Klan, segregation and the Civil Rights movement. Imagine if Barack Obama didn’t have a wife, but had a “baby mother.” Imagine if Martin Luther King didn’t have a wife, but had “side joints.” Rosa Parks was able to sit down on the bus because she had a husband at home to take care of her.
The destruction of a nation starts with the woman, and if all we’re doing is playing marriage and divorcing our women, whats going to happen tomorrow?
BTW I’m not saying marriage is THE new solution that is going to fix the neighborhood of life, but if you were to look at the statistics how could you not see that the foundation that is already laid down? Life is like a neighborhood, we have the study guide as neighbor, we have the helpful hints across the street, so i guess you can say in this neighborhood of life, marriage is down the street and the answer is right around the corner.
That’s the rare impression I’m leaving you all with today.
lol.
you should probably do a bit more research. to imply that being born out-of-wedlock, not getting married, etc, is the cause of the other problems that those groups have.. is irresponsible.
i guess you could say that because most of the ppl in jails are black and latino, skin color ALSO causes people to commit crimes?
-_-
The root of the problem is not unmarried parents.. unmarried parents are a SYMPTOM, and everybody knows to put out a fire you aim for the base, not the flames.
I’ve done my research. I’m not implying anything. That’s why this is a Rare Impression. Most people don’t know it or don’t believe it. I can prove what i wrote in no limit of time. Can you?
Good job. This is truly a rare impression. Spread the word, change our community. This is the time and what must be done.
Great post. Our community needs more voices like mine and yours to expose the truth so we can break out of this warped reality.
Wow, Your perspective on marriage is right on time. Before we got married, my husband felt that marriages did not work based on his family’s history. We have been married 23 years and we are still in love. He has learned that it takes God, love, commitment, communication, devotion, endurance and a strong foundation to make a marriage work. It does not matter what the people in your family or the marriages around do. It is what you are going to do that is going to make your marriage work. Jesus did not give up on me and Im not going to give up on my marriage. God Bless you!
Wow. I’ve seen those “numbers” before, but never put together to justifiably come to the conclusion you came to. This is an outstanding piece that should give everyone pause. Thank you for your research and compassion.
Awesome article!
Well written. I definitely feel that a marriage is the backbone and point taken, its just nice to have someone that has your back and someone to come home to and lean on. I think another point missing is that I’ve found many are now “scared” to get married bc they’ve seen it fail in their families and now as we become more educated, some feel they can do it by themselves. I’m speaking from a married woman’s perspective though, so I don’t completely get that side…but many of my friends, especially the guys…are throwing this up. Also I think society makes it so easy to just “give up” and move on and divorce. People aren’t sticking it out and riding through the tough times. Its easy to stay married when all is well, but what about when you lose a job, when the bills pile up, or other issues come up, because they always do. We need to learn to stick it out and raise our hand if we need help…meaning counseling. That’s my 2 cents
I love this blog! I am a young black married woman that loves being married. I think that we as a community need to stop accepting anything. It should not be acceptable to have baby mommas and baby daddys. As a young woman I am not laying down and having babies with any man that can not make me his wife. I see it like this if I am not good enough to marry then I damn sure am not good enough to have your children.It should not be acceptable that our men feel that it is ok to have kids and abandon them. Marriage is not a black and white thing. We need to fix our homes before we can fix our communities. We can only do this by building strong family units. Also once you marry it should not be taken lightly. My husband and I both made a commitment to not divorce each other unless one commits a serious offense that warrants divorce such as abuse.
Wow…you are SO right. Children learn what they live and it is up to us to model unity. In my home it starts with me and my husband. If we model unity and allow them to see marriage in a positive light then it will be attractive to them.
I believe that marriage is a covenant and it does work.Marriage is a blessing. It is not for white people only and as African American people we need to change this new mentality that marriage is not for us. That’s why I love the project Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage which is helping to dispel these myths and negative stereotypes about marriage and African Americans.
GREAT POST! thanks for bringing light to the younger generation.
This was awesome!!! Truly encouraging.
Well thought out and written. Great job! Marriage is a foundation that not too many feel they can stand on … now is the perfect time to declare u.n.i.t.y. -A wife, a mother, and a friend.
Your insight is appreciated, some food for thought.
Nice post. As black man, I start with the black man being responsible to our families. We need to love and respect our black females, and not let anyone or anything harm our ladies (not even other black men). Each positive black man needs to mentor a young black boy that doesn’t have a positive male role model in his life. We need to raise our standards in our homes and communities. Thank you sisters for holding it down when the men have not done the right thing by you and the children. As a people we have come through many hardships and trails, BLACK MAN COME HOME AND DO WHAT’S RIGHT BY YOUR KIDS, THEIR MOTHER, AND OUR COMMUNITY.
Thank you so much for posting this! It is refreshing to see all of the positive images..
Very well written and excellent points. I actually fell into the category of “I want children but don’t know about marriage.” HOWEVER, God had another plan for me. I am married to a great man and couldn’t imagine it being any other way. I think it is our job as married black people to educate and show our youth that black love and marriage is possible and very beautiful.
great article! Marriage isn’t a White people thing, its a Gods people thing…”he who finds a wife finds a good thing…” JMO
This is an awesome post brotha! Thank you for sharing your opinion and doing it in such a clear and thought out way… This is food for thought that everyone should take in and use as a conversation piece in their circles…
Great Post.. And your point is well taken and appreciated…
I am a father of children born out of wed lock.. And I feel that is my greatest sin.. I broke up my family.. with that said.. My children are healthy, productive, responsible, and loved immensely. And I also come from a broken home… I honor the institution of marriage, and plan to get married to continue the sacred tradition of the black family….
This is right on time! Women and men should cherish and seek the title of husband and wife not babby mamma or daddy. Continue spreading your message! Be blessed.
Marriage is the foundation of family unity, community stability, and sustatainable social progress. Even in societies where polygomy is practiced, marriage is the glue that holds families together. Historically, children outside of marriage have been held in low esteem because their fathers did not think enough of their mothers to marry them.
The problem is not a 20th or 21st century phenomenon. I am amazed that certain young people speak about “back in the day” as if it were ancient history. Human history is the story of sustained progress based on trust and unity. The most fundamental unit in that progress is a strong family. What makes a strong family is the commitment and trust that is expressed in marriage. When marriages fall apart, communities decline, and chaos ensues.
The author spoke clearly about outcomes that follow the dissolution of families — poverty, crime, declining values (property, self-respect, and even self-hatred). Next comes disrespect of authority, followed by anarchy and destruction.
It is scary to think that there are intelligent Black people among us who reject marriage as “something for white folks.” That suggests to me a pathology that rejects the value of family unity. It replaces honor and virtue with depravity and lust and self-hatred. Human virtue has no color. The absence of human virtue has a predictable end — crime ridden communities where children kill children, children make babies they cannot care for, and children who grow up to become dysfunctional. Generational decline becomes the norm, and the value systems decline to the lowest common demoninator.
I have been married for 43 years, and I hope all is not lost. Wake up young people! You are headed for certain destruction.
Very good post. It’s very sad how we view marriage today. A couple of my friends have this mind set even the ones that came from a two parent home. I hope to get married one day and have children and every day I work hard to make sure I am preparing myself for that day!
This is awesome Brother,
Thank You for presenting such a loving and positive truth of our
Black Families! My Husband and I have been married for 38 years, we are not celebrities… but God has bless us and we are grateful for it.
Donald& Deborah Parks
This coming from your CAU sister keep up the good work and continue spreading the truth !!!